Lackeys and Toadies

1 October 2019 20:22 

“An extremely credible source” has called my office and told this writer about @DTrump’s latest initiatives. Recognizing the enormous benefits incurred by the Russian intervention in the 2016 election, the occupant has come to understand that there’s no need to use domestic operatives. Why bother with Americans when you can outsource it all to not only the Russians, but also the Ukrainians, Australians, and many, many more? Beyond our borders any semblance of respect for the rule of law, national sovereignty, due process, checks and balances, and ethical behavior are entirely optional.

As noted, the Russians got things going for Trump, and he’s starting to pick up momentum. The Ukrainians will be looking into the Biden family, and the Australians have agreed to get to work on that pesky Mueller. But what’s not well known are all the other world leaders hoping for a piece of the action—toadies galore!

Trump thought France’s Macron would be the perfect choice to charm then disappear Stormy Daniels: who can resist those suave French? However, Macron declined to intervene, and instead Trump’s called in Prince Regent Han-Adam II of Liechtenstein. The Prince Regent did not respond to questions emailed to his court chamberlain.

Ivanka’s fashion company has folded, but not for lack of trying to save it by Brigitte Bierlein, Federal Chancellor of Austria. Ms. Bierlein denied rumors she was to be brought in for consultation, and further, that she has purchased several thousand euros worth of heavily discounted clothing from the failed firm.

Trump thought a Samoan would be a perfect candidate to deal with CNN reporter, Jim Acosta. Samoan Prime Minister Tuilaepa Aiono Sailele Malielegaoi seemed the perfect candidate, given that he’s former rugby player and archer. Not much seems to have come of it: Acosta is still on the job.

Surprisingly, however, Trump has been reluctant to seek help from the rest of the gang (Bolsonaro, Orbán, Duda, Jong, and so on). Rumor has it he’s actually a bit embarrassed about his relative lack of control compared to the others, and prefers to use others who won’t taunt him for his lack of facist cred.

Of course Trump can’t do it all on his own. He’s having to delegate. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Attorney General William Barr have both been on the road to Chad, Italy, Malta, Mauritania, Tonga, Uruguay, and Equatorial Guinea. The White House said they were on a fact finding mission.

Vice-president Mike Pence apparently overcame his reluctance to be alone with other women, when on behalf of his boss, he met with the president of Georgia, Salome Zourabichvili. It was believed they discussed how to get Ruth Bader Ginsberg “to step down” from the Supreme Court.

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos met with Oman’s Sultan and Prime Minister Qaboos bin Said al Said. Devos was looking for assistance in dealing with all those illegals coming across the U.S. southern border.

Secretary of Energy Rick Perry travelled to Kyrgystan and met with Prime Minister Mukhammedkalyi Abylgaziev. The topic was seeing about busting Julian Assange out of Her Majesty’s Prison Belmarsh. The Prime Minister declined to intervene.

Elsewhere, senior policy advisor Stephen Miller was pulled off of his assignment of purging John McCain’s name from all public records, news articles, navy destroyers, Viet-Nam era news reels, and the Naval Academy graduation rolls; Miller was redirected to Hollywood, where Trump wants him to star in a sequel to Megamind.

Meanwhile, the White House just announced that the following cabinet officers would be unavailable pending upcoming travel: Steve Mnuchin, Secretary of the Treasury, and Ben Carson, Secretary of Housing and Urban Development. The White House also stated as incorrect that Trump, impressed by the way Mohammed bin Salman “took care of his problem”, had ordered former press secretary Sarah Huckaebee Sanders to travel to Saudi Arabia to meet with the deputy prime minister to see what can be done about the twenty-second amendment.

It might take a village to raise a child, but it takes a confederacy to support Trump.

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